Unless you work in a brewery, slang beer for a living, or you "just don't give a shit," you're probably not drinking beer at work. But don't you think you should be? Here's five approaches we thought of that just might bust the bottlecap off your no-brew policy at work.
1. Get a Disease
A rare one preferably. So rare...well, so rare it doesn't exist. Before announcing, make sure to go the extra mile and make an entire website committed to the cause of curing the disease. Oh and of course list appropriate symptoms and treatments...one said treatment being that of a beer a day. "A beer a day keeps the rare, made-up, completely imaginary, but extremely lethal disease away."
2. Make Your Boss Cry
This is much easier than you think. Do they have kids? Ask them whether they think bosses that work too much neglect their family, in turn producing children with behavorial and emotional issues with an inability to cope with simple real-life everyday problems. When the angst and tears start to flow, offer them a beer. When they refuse because they can't drink at work, offer to also drink a beer WITH them because you're not just an employee, you're a friend.
3. Cook for the Office
The key here is to make sure it's a recipe that involves BEER. Crockpot chili? Better with beer in it. This is a good one to go with. You'll need to intermittently check the chili throughout the day and add beer as needed. A little for you, a little for the chili. Just re-cap your empties and throw them back in the fridge so no one can tell you're 8 beers in by 2pm. It's cool, you can totally Uber home that day.
4. Claim Religious Reasons
"I'm sorry Janet, but my priest/preacher/rabbi/shaman has me on a strict 8/10/2/4pm drinking schedule. I hope you'll understand and respect my religious rights."
5. Impromptu Company Party
No company party is complete without obnoxious amounts of booze. Just find a reason to celebrate. Brad hit his sales goals? Party! Linda started wearing an appropriate amount of perfume? Party! Scott starting cleaning up after his own damn self because he realized he's a MF adult and his co-workers aren't his over-bearing and yet coddling mother that turned him into a literal waste of space? Party!