Look...I think we can all agree that the 90's were a terribly confusing time. Kelly had that eating disorder on 90210...Kurt Cobain was screaming all the time...Alanis Morisette just wanted us to know EVERYTHING. The pressure was high and there weren't a lot of options for quality alcoholic beverages. I mean, there probably were; but, my parents only gave me $50 a week when I was in college, and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese was expensive, even in 1998...so were hemp necklaces with little stoned frogs on them. There wasn't much dough left over for quality "local" beer. Also, I was a young. My palate preferred bullshit. Let's just be honest.
So, for just a moment, let's take a ride in Doc Brown's DeLorean and revisit 7 things we drank the sh*t out of, before we knew better. #ILoveThe90's
7. Zima with a Jolly Rancher
First of all, don't even give me that look. You know you popped that cap and dropped that candy, just like we did. That sh*t tasted like boozy Sprite laced with poor decision making. Mmmm...poor decision making. So good...
6. Natty Light
Everyone empty their pockets. Hmmm...let's see what we have here...$13 dollars in loose change, two expired condoms, and a pocket knife. We can definitely throw out those condoms and it looks like we're getting that pony keg of Natural Light. Who's down to party? The end.
5. After Shock
I'm gonna take a shot in the dark and say the only real "after shock" was probably the thousands of positive pregnancy tests that followed a long hard night of cinnamon schnapps. What the f**ck is schnapps, anyway? Who cares. We drank the sh*t out of it.
4. Malibu and Coke
Because, every day should feel like a tropical vacation. Fill er' up.
3. Smirnoff Ice
I think it had Vodka in it; but, I'm not entirely sure. It definitely didn't have any ice. Zima's first cousin once removed...and that was good enough for me.
2. Trash Can Punch
Everclear, vodka, Hawaiian Punch. If you were REAL classy you garnished it with fruit; but, chances are you couldn't afford fruit. No one was eating fruit, then. Not on purpose. Not for nourishment.
1. Boone's Farms Strawberry Hill
Here's $5. Go buy 15 bottles of Boone's Farms and meet me at the spot. Result: Best night of my life, followed by one day of dry heaving and vomiting. It wasn't until I was much older that Boone's Farms called it "wine". Which means, even in the 90's, we were classy AF.